32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
