Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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