Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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