I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
