the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
