u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
