Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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