i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
