I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
