I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I would fuck him just for his dog
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
