You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He passed out mid-signature
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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