Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
