Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
