I can feel you judging me through the phone.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
