woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
