Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
