Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
