Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
