Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
