Please, let me fuck your mom
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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