Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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