he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
