my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
