Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
