"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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