Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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