Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
