i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
