1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
