i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
