We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
