it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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