I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
