Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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