you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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