i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
