Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
