his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
