So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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