you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
