I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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