He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
