The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
