The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
