I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
