After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
