how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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