and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
