I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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