you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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