i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
