The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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