i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
